Concerns for Sibs

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Concerns for Sibs

Introduction
In Australia, there are over 200,000 young people aged 0-18 years with a severe or profound disability. Many more have a chronic illness. Understandably, significant resources are spent on addressing the needs of these children.

By the same token, research and anecdotal evidence supports the view that illness and disability affects the lives of all family members. Brothers and sisters of children with special needs often face a family situation which involves considerable stress, but without the understanding, emotional maturity and coping skills required to deal with their experiences. As a result, they can feel isolated and confused and become ‘at risk’ for a range of emotional, mental and physical health problems, which can continue into adulthood. Yet siblings are regularly overlooked both within their family and by agencies, even though they are likely to have the longest relationship of anyone with the person with special needs.

Sibling relationships last a lifetime and have a significant effect on our development.

They provide us with opportunities to:
• openly express a range of emotions, including love, loyalty, anger and rivalry.
• gain companionship and support and learn to give and take
• practice conflict resolution
• learn social skills and confidence which can be taken out into the wider world
• develop our own identity
When one sibling has special needs this relationship can be significantly changed.

The mix of sibling experience
Most siblings of a person with a disability will be able to say there were good and not so good aspects to their experience. Those who can look back and see benefits in their situation say they have found inspiration through their brothers and sisters, become more tolerant, more compassionate, more aware of their blessings and, in many ways, more mature than young people who have not had these experiences. They say growing up with their brother or sister gave true meaning to their lives, that “they made me who I am”.

Some children, however, have a more difficult time. They can experience confusion over the feelings that arise. On the one hand, a child may feel loving and protective toward their brother or sister, but at the same time feel a mixture of more difficult feelings such as resentment, fear, guilt, embarrassment and sorrow.

NOT ALL siblings will experience the concerns mentioned in the download 'specific concerns for sibs' and with an increased understanding of the issues for siblings, it is fairly easy to support children so their adjustment can become more positive. Most children can deal with stress better if they feel they are listened to and understood.

Finding the positives
As mentioned earlier, many siblings are able to take very positive things from their experiences. They can gain inspiration, competence and independence leading to improved self esteem, and a range of human qualities that add not only to their own life but also those around them. They often contribute to the community in very useful ways.

In terms of resilience, when children go through difficult experiences, are given support, and learn skills to deal with their difficulties, they are able, in fact, to become stronger adults.
Some positive effects that can manifest in siblings, mentioned by families and practitioners, include:
• being more tolerant of differences
• more compassionate
• more reliable and responsible
• high achieving
• siblings often go into helping professions
• pride in brother or sister’s achievements
• more insight, maturity

Support for siblings allows them to feel less isolated and it helps them build resilience. As a result, not only are they more likely to develop to their full potential, but also their relationship with a brother or sister with special needs is likely to be stronger.

For more information, please see our downloads on:
• Specific Concerns for Sibs
• Stressful Signs for Sibs
• What do Sibs Need?

Copyright. Some of this material has been Adapted from Strohm (2002). Siblings: Brothers and sisters of children with special needs. Wakefield Press, Adelaide.


The other kids wouldn't play with me, they said I had disability germs. ~Sister, 7yrs~ Related Resources Specific Concerns for Sibs Stressful Signs for Sibs What do Sibs Need?