Parents

Young Sibs|Teen Sibs|Adult Sibs|Parents|Concerns for Sibs

Welcome to the Parents Page

As a parent of a child with special needs, it can be difficult juggling the needs of all members of your family. You might be dealing with a range of mixed emotions about the changes that have occurred in your family. It is important to remember that the brothers and sisters of your child with special needs will also have a mix of feelings and experiences. They may not have the understanding and emotional maturity to deal with what is happening around them. Their adjustment will be greatly influenced by the reactions of other people.

This page gives you ideas on how you can support siblings. Siblings are likely to have the longest relationship of anyone with your child with special needs. If siblings are supported they are likely to develop stronger self-esteem and feel more able to deal with their experiences. They are likely to be more compassionate, tolerant of differences and more responsible. They are also likely to develop a stronger relationship with the child with special needs. If you can ensure that every member of your family is supported, family connections will be stronger.

The information here is based on our contact with a large number of siblings, parents and service providers around Australia and overseas. But we would love to hear from you too. Please share ideas on what has been helpful for you in relation to supporting siblings in your family. If you have discovered particular activities, or books or internet sites, please share them with us. That way, other parents can benefit from your experiences and knowledge. Also, if you have other comments please contact us.

Concerns of siblings
Brothers and sisters of children with special needs (disability or chronic illness) can grow up in a situation of considerable stress.

As a result they might:
• Lack understanding about the disability or illness
• Have various fears and anxieties
• Feel isolated
• Feel resentment if a brother or sister receives more attention or is allowed to behave in ways they’re not
• Be embarrassed about their brother or sister’s appearance or behaviour
• Experience shame about negative feelings
• Feel they need to achieve, to be the ‘good child’
• Feel guilt over own abilities, successes
• Feel like they have extra responsibilities
• Have concerns about the future
How might these concerns affect your children?
If your children don’t have a chance to talk about their concerns, their feelings may turn inward leading to withdrawal, anxiety, or lowered self-esteem. Your children may ‘act out’ their feelings with aggression and attention seeking. They might develop sleep problems or physical complaints. They may also have social difficulties.
Siblings need:
• Information about the special needs
• Opportunities to express a mix of feelings
• To feel special themselves
• To feel competent and valued
• Strategies to deal with difficult situations
• Contact with siblings in a similar situation
• Social support
Most children are able to cope better with stress if they feel listened to, understood and supported by caring adults. For further information on sibling concerns go to sibling concerns

How can I help my children?
Many factors affect how a sibling adjusts. However, children’s reactions are most influenced by the responses of people around them, especially you as a parent. In order to support your children try to:
• Find support for yourself- both emotional and practical
• Attend a parent workshop run through Siblings Australia
• Give children information about all aspects of the chronic illness/ disability
• Listen to your children and help them express their feelings
• Set an example by showing it is ok to share difficult feelings
• Watch for behaviour that might indicate stress (see checklist)
• Help them learn skills to deal with difficult situations
• Enable each child to feel special, spend ‘one-on-one’ time with them.
• Acknowledge their contributions to household activities but avoid giving them too much responsibility
• Encourage your children to have contact with siblings in other families. Help them to take part in a siblings group or join an internet forum through Siblings Australia
• Read books about sibling concerns – there are a number on our website, not only for parents but also for young siblings, pre-teens, and teen siblings

Siblings Australia
Siblings Australia works with families who have a child with special needs. It also works with professionals to improve the services available for families and, in particular, siblings. We have run many workshops for parents on supporting siblings. If you would like more information about these please contact us on 8361 8361.

Further reading
Siblings: Brothers and sisters of children with special needs. Wakefield Press. (Strohm, 2002).


The workshop was like finding water in the desert. It’s hard to explain. I was just desperately looking for information. ~Parent of a child with special needs~ Related Resources Workshop Info Form